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Didn't realize it has been this long since entries. i hope some of my chickies are still here. i have ultra busy.  new home, new location, and new friendships.  so what has been going on?

Writer's Block: RIP Michael Jackson

In honor of the King of Pop: What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?






there is a man at work who says we must be ready for whatever life throughs at us. there is no time for love or fate or destiny. anyone who believes in such "fantasies" is a shallow unremarkable, not worth the time person.  so tell me what you think. who is the shallow one:

the man who has been married twice and faces a bleak future or someone like me who believes that my soulmate is out there waiting and who strongly believes in love, fate and destiny.

i really would like to know what you think.

goodbye for a while

hey chickies,

i wanted to say goodbye for a while. i am having surgery two weeks from friday. i have a lot to get done before then. recovery time is six weeks and for the first two, i am not to use my hand .  i hope you all have a grand time and enjoy each other. i will miss you even if you don't miss me.

for this reason, the letter i am finishing for disney is being pushed back.  i hope some of you contribute, it will make it so much stronger.  please consider that. 

well gotta go for now. lots to do. 

letter to disney

 hey chickies,

my letter to disney is almost done.   if any of u have a comment or a letter to add, please send it to me in a pm or ask me for my email and i will send it out. i am hoping to send it out to my friend by next monday, so that gives me a week to collect all entries or letters
it started as a letter about zac and my disgruntlement of most of disney practices, but now i have added another thing to it.

i don't know if you have heard yet.     in disney's new release  "snow buddies"  it has been discovered that 15 of the puppies they used in the movie have died of parvo and the rest of them are either dead or sick. this will also be added to my letter. i am boycotting this movie and any others made by the production company.  

they took the puppies from their mother two weeks too early, vaccinated them and then illegally transported them to canada for filming. i will not support animal abuse in any form. i am an avid animal lover.

will post the letter here before i send it. 

thanks to anyone who wants to help me.

love my chickies.

A celebration of life

  well, i promised my zikki chick sisters that i would post here today.

i went to calie's memorial service yesterday. i was there for nine hours and it was a sad/glad situation.  there was a beautiful service with a lot of speakers.  i was one of them. i spent a lot of time thinking about what i was going to say, and i was happily surprised to find that a lot of my speech was because of my zikki chicks.  i just listened to what they wrote in my journal and pms. you guys are the best and i love you all. thank you. 

after the memorial service, we went to mama's house. mama is calie's mother and my second mother. we decided that instead of mourning her passing,  we would celebrate her life.   Calie accomplished alot in her short 36 years. she and i were thick as thieves.  i have a brother and a sister by birth, but i have a brother and two sisters in life.  the wake was fun. we had decorated the church basement with posters of calie in different stages of life. of course many of the posters featured the rag tag crew, which was what the five of us were known as.

we had a good time and mama and i decided to keep calie's memory alive by remembering how she lived. we made donations to the local zoo, the children's hospital where christian died, and the humane shelter, because calie loved animals.  

i want you all to know the calie i knew, so sometime after christmas i will start posting pictures of us from childhood and a little older. 

again, i want to express my gratitude to my zikki chics for the support you have given me through this horrible time. i love you guys.

calandra makaila roman

went to visit my friend's mother today. by the time it was over, we were both crying, but i think it helped us both. she suggested that i tell you all about my soul sister.  she said it would be good therapy for me. so here goes.

calandra makaila  roman (isn't that a beautiful name) was born on October 3, 1971. we were exactly 1 day apart in age.  i think that my first memory began in preschool. we were three when we met. our teacher decided to have a joint birthday party for us and that is where the fun began. 

we went everywhere together, did everything together, in fact we were joined at the hip. we were often referred to as the siamese twins. though we looked nothing alike, we had the same soul. 

she was there when the first guy i dated told me i was only a rebound date. i was there when her father decided that he no longer wanted a family.  i was her maid of honor over 15 yrs ago and i was there when baby christian died eight yrs ago. i don't think i will ever forget that day.  

that was the day my soul sister died. 

she was there physically, but i saw the deadness in her gaze that never really went away.  when they put four month old baby boy in the ground, i truly believe that they put calie in the ground too.

i will post a picture of her soon. i want my friends to see the beautiful woman i knew, not the broken one i remember. 

calandra was born in greece and spent the first two yrs of her life there. i never got the chance to go there, but i believe that i will go there when i get the money. i owe it to my calie to see the homeland she loves.

at least my last talk with her was good. we talked on the phone for four hrs. she two loved the movie hairspray and nikki was her fave, she thought zac was very handsome, and she sprayed coke across the theater when she saw john travolta in a dress. ( he is her fave actor, has been since grease)

she was  in florida in july while my mother was in ohio, just to keep me company. said she needed to see me. 

do you know what it is like to have someone like that in your life. i hope so.   she went to see hairspray with me three times that week. 

please do not take your friendships for granted, for you don't know what the future holds.

God i miss you so much calie.  i can honestly say that i know what a broken soul feels like. 

calandra makaila roman

october 3, 1971
december 9, 2007

kiss christian for me sis
i love you and i miss you
fly with angels

calandra means singing bird
makaila means who is like God

i just realized that she died on christian's birthday.

sad news

i want to apologize to my family on fan forum for deserting them. as much as i love them all, i couldn't be around them right now. i sincerely apologize to my sisters and ask that they practice patience with me.

today i got the news i had been dreading for a week.  one of my best friends took her life today. she has been in a deep depression since her son died about 8 yrs ago. i should have seen it coming, but all the same, it was a devastating blow.  we have known each other since we were three.  

more story

this part was supposed to go in right after this sentence:  she was injured, but alive.

  The paramedics gave them a moment before they approached to take her to the hospital.  Link caressed her face and gave her a loving kiss before releasing her to their care.  Racing to his car, he followed the ambulance as it carried his heart to the hospital.  Entering the emergency room as fast as his feet could carry him, his stomach turned at the sight of a blood-spattered Tracy on that gurney.  Her cries of distress and unhappiness caused his heart to literally skip several beats.  He loved her so much.  He couldn't bear to think about how desolate his life and his very soul would be if she were not to recover.  He tried to keep his thoughts positive and not dwell on the worst possible outcome because waiting was all he could do.

here i jumped to another part of the story:

He leaned forward and slowly took her hand in his so as not to spook her.   She looked so sad and he wanted to fix it.   " Don't  blame yourself for this Trace. You tried to help and you did so much good.  It's not your fault!"   She looked away and he turned her face back to his with his fingers.  " I love you so much, you know that.  You are an amazing and beautiful woman."  She kept her gaze everywhere but on him.  Finally she met his gaze.  Those searing blue eyes touched her very soul.  " Thank you for believing in me.  Thank you for not giving up on me.  Thank you for loving me."  she replied in a near whisper.

different part now:

Now it was his turn to talk!  He forced her chin up to his line of vision, so she would have to meet his gaze.  " Don't you ever do something like this again without me there!  Do you understand me, darlin'?  I can't live without you and I won't watch you get  hurt again!"  
Tracy stared at him with soulful, wide eyes.  She had never heard him yell like that before.  "All right Link, I promise."

another part:  

" When can I go home?"

 As soon as you promise to marry me."

she blinked up at him, shaking her heas as what he said finally registered.  "  What did you just say?"                                                                         

" I'm askin' you to marry me,  Trace.  I realized after you were hurt, that I don't want to live my life without you.  We were meant to be together, Trace.   I don't mean that we have to get married right now though."

Tracy closed her eyes and her throat closed with emotion.  "Yes LInk, I'll marry you.  I've waited and loved you for so long.  This is every fantasy come true for me."

and the last part i have written:  her faith in him was complete and he only hoped he was up to the challenge.